Can Anyone Hear Me?

I have a confession to make. Sometimes I yell at my children.

It's not name-calling yelling, but I'm-just-trying-to-be-heard yelling. And I hate it. Not that it does me any good. My children have selective hearing. Don't believe me? Try this:

In a loud, clear voice say, "Someone, let the dogs out!" Not a head turned. Try again, louder this time. "The dogs need to potty. Let them out!" See that? No one even flinched.

Now, hide your mouth behind your hand. Lean in close to me and whisper softly, as though you don't even want me to hear you, the words "ice cream".

Congratulations. You have just triggered a child stampede. Watch as they come pouring in from rooms all over the house, tromping down the stairs, shoving each other in their mad dash, crashing into one another as they attempt to skid to a stop before you. "Did you call us? I thought I heard the words 'ice cream'. Did someone say 'ice cream'? Are we having dessert?"

I often remind my children about right-away-obedience. We have discussed the fact that the correct response when called is not "What?", but "Coming!" It's getting their attention in the first place that I seem to have trouble with. I suppose I could randomly interject attention grabbing words into each request.

"Someone, candy bar, needs to, video game, let the dogs out, recess!"

Their Daddy Boats, ever the navy man, is quite skilled with his boatswain's pipe. In the morning he stands at the foot of the stairs and pipes the children awake. A few notes on the pipe and a shout of "Reveille, reveille! All hands heave out and trice up! Reveille!" works wonders. To my constant amazement the kids are out of bed and downstairs in moments. Well, Annie doesn't jump up quite as fast as the boys do, but after a groggy complaint or two, even she makes an appearance.

I bet I could learn to use the boatswain's pipe. I just have to find it. "Does anyone know where Daddy's pipe is? Hello! Anyone? Hellooo! Guys, where are you?... Ice cream!"